Losing It
by JandMsMommy
Summary: Edward is losing it... in more ways than one. A story about two people who should never have gotten involved. Already completed. Will update weekly.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I have no expectations with this fic. I mainly wrote it for myself. And it's different from my other fics (no mystery or death, just love). It's based on a movie I watched recently and I wished it had ended differently so I wrote this and changed some things. And of course I made them Twi characters. :) The disclaimer covers everything. I literally own nothing. lol Nothing is directly copied though. This is a re-imagining, more or less. Hope you enjoy. Thanks!**

**This story has no beta and is already completed. Updates will come once a week.  
**

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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It was just supposed to be a job. My first job. It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. I couldn't have stopped it if I tried. Some things just… spiral. Not everything can be controlled. You lose your way, someone gets hurt. And most of the time it's the people you love the most that hurt the most.

I don't know where it went wrong. I could never pin point an exact moment; there are too many surreal ones to choose from.

I met her the day I started work at the pool. The manager instructed her to train me. I only wanted to earn a little of my own money instead of always asking my parents for some, but then I met her. I was ruined after that. I fell in love, and suddenly nothing mattered anymore, not even my parents. Not even my fucking self.

I was astonished that such a beautiful girl would be working in such a dilapidated pool house. It didn't fit, like she was a misplaced, immaculate puzzle piece amongst a faded and worn set. And knowing that I would be working with her five days a week sent an unfamiliar sense of excitement through me.

"You can hang your coat in this closet." That was the first thing she said to me after we left the manager's office. Her shoulder-length brown hair glistened under the bright lights of the hallway as she showed me to the tiny room that housed all the towels, soaps, and cleaning supplies that I'd need to keep up the boy's changing rooms of the pool.

I only heard what she said because I loved the sound of her voice the moment she spoke to me. And I only learned how to clean the showers properly because I loved the way her body moved.

I froze, however, when she asked me to repeat the steps she'd just showed me.

"Um…" A lump formed in my throat. "Clean towels. No. First, scrub the shower down, then clean towels, soap, mats, and wipe off the writings from the tile."

"Yeah, that's right." She looked at me and stayed quiet for a second. Her eyes flittered up and down before returning to my face. "And wipe them off as best as you can. The men around here like to intimidate each other. They all claim to have ten inch dicks." She smirked a little.

I chuckled awkwardly, tearing my eyes away from her deliciously dangerous gaze.

She walked past me, brushing my arm the tiniest bit as she did. "This way, handsome."

My knees buckled at the last word, and I stumbled as I followed after her. I was right at the back of her heels and could see that she was quite a bit shorter than me. Had to be close to 5'3".

She glanced at me over her shoulder as she walked then turned back, asking, "How old are you again?"

I didn't recall giving her my age at any point since we'd met. "Sixteen."

"Right. You'll get good tips, I'm sure. Some of these older ladies like to have young, good looking boys wait on them. Some men, too." She added with a chuckle.

"Yeah," I replied naively, unable to come up with any other response. Then it hit me, "Wait, I'm not going to be helping women, am I?" I asked nervously and a little louder than I had intended.

She stopped so abruptly that I nearly ran into her, a sympathetic, yet amused look on her face as she turned to me. Her eyes were deep brown, the color of chocolate. Her lips were full. She was standing so close, but I couldn't back away. Her hands were still in her pockets as she stood there, completely casual and relaxed. "Edward," My heart began to pound at the sound of my name. "Every now and then, we'll each have to step away from our sections. We'll have to help each other out. So yeah, you might have to sometimes. But it's easy. Ladies are much more generous than the men." There was a mischievous twinkle in her eyes that I couldn't possibly read. It wasn't until later that day that I understood exactly what she meant.

She began to walk down the hall again nonchalantly. "I'll show you the pool. Then we'll get you your outfit. T-shirt, pair of shorts, a little badge, like mine, that hangs around your neck."

She stopped talking then as we walked down the long hallway from the men's changing rooms and showers. I tried to keep my eyes off of her, looking at the walls on either side of me instead. They were gross. Chipped puke-green paint, stains from God knows what.

With my head ducked, I peeked at her from under my eyelashes. I couldn't help it eventually. It was too easy, too tempting to steal glances of her when she didn't know I was doing it.

She was so small, but her bored expression that contradicted her penetrating eyes made her so intimidating. Like she didn't give a damn to be anywhere near you but was hell-bent on sizing you up. Then she called me handsome. My mind couldn't make sense of her.

I began to wonder how old she was. It was impossible to tell just by looking at her. She had the figure of a girl my age, although much fuller than most girls I knew, but she had the confidence of a woman.

As we neared the end of the hall to the entrance of the pool, the curiosity became unbearable.

My mouth opened and closed a few times before I finally asked, "And how old are you, Bella?"

Without stopping or turning around, she said, "Twenty-five."

_25_

I never would've guessed that.

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**There's the first chapter. This story won't be too long, or it shouldn't be anyway. :) Hope there wasn't too many mistakes due to no beta. Remember, this story is already completed and will update weekly. Tell me what you think! :)  
**

**Hugs! -Andy**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Next chapter is here! There's the build-up (there's got to be build-up) before things get more interesting. I hope you enjoy muddling it around in your head, trying to figure out where it will go next! :) I had fun writing this, and I'm glad people are actually reading it and enjoying it so far! Thanks so much for your alerts and reviews!**

**Remember this story is unbeta'd and will update once a week.**

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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Once we gathered my uniform, and she left me to change in the men's changing rooms, I felt like I could finally breathe again. My chest almost ached from the constrictive nervousness she caused. I was always cool around girls, but I couldn't be cool around this girl. She wasn't even a girl, as I'd found out. She was a woman. She'd never give a shit about me. Not _that_ way.

_But she called me handsome…_

I shook my head at the mere idea that I'd have a shot.

"Don't be so fucking stupid." I released a harsh breath and pulled the door open.

The halls to the men's and women's changing rooms were separated by the double entry doors to the pool. As I headed toward them, I couldn't help but look for her. My eyes glanced around of their own volition. I could see clear to the end of her section, and she wasn't there. I pushed the door open to the pool area, a little dismayed but trying to ignore it as I knew it was pointless to care.

I spotted a middle-aged man with a whistle around his neck and a group of girls in there; obviously some sort of swimming class was going on. The girls were preteens, and when they spotted me standing in the open doorway, some of them giggled and nudged their friends with their elbows the way preteen girls do.

I rolled my eyes and quickly turned to walk out. Bella was there at the door. An involuntary gasp escaped my lips as she stood just inches away.

That lovely but evil smirk was back on her lips. "So the girls in there like you, huh? I should get you to bring them all towels. You'd probably earn your tips for the week in one day. If they have any money, that is," she said, condescendingly.

I laughed and looked down at the floor. "No thanks. I wouldn't take little girls' money."

She shrugged then glanced at the group of girls who were still looking my way. "Not that much younger than you, are they?"

She was teasing me like I was a little boy, and getting a kick out of it. I hated it, had to stop it, or at least try my best to.

Leaning against the wall next to the doorway, I looked at her square in the eyes. A lump formed in my throat again but I forced out, "Doesn't matter. I'm not interested in younger girls. At all."

If she caught any hint of suggestion in my tone, she didn't show it. Just nodded, smiled idly and said, "Good, because I've got to step out for a minute, and there's a woman who just got out of the pool needing a fresh towel and a bar of soap. Could you?"

I pushed away from the wall and hesitated. With a huff, I looked down at the floor. "Yeah, okay," I said.

She reached out to touch my arm, and I nearly jumped. Her soft hand rested right above my wrist. It was an unexpected gesture, and I risked a look at her under my eyelashes, trying to hide my shock but probably doing a shitty job at it. The gentle warmth of her palm on my skin could've burned me.

She seemed amused. "You'll be fine, Edward. Just go along with it, that's all."

Annoyed and nervous, I gathered the towel and soap for the woman waiting in the changing rooms. She was standing in the hall, watching me closely as I approached her. She was blonde, heavy, probably forty years old or so. The lewd look she gave me told me I needed to get this over with quickly.

"Here you go, ma'am. Your towel and soap," I said politely and handed them to her.

She took them slowly, keeping her eyes fixed on mine. Then she swept them over my body openly and unabashedly. It was now painfully clear to me what Bella meant about getting good tips.

I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

"You're new here," she stated.

I nodded, beginning to back up. "Yes, ma'am. Is there anything else you need?"

"Where's the girl who works here?" she asked, glancing around.

"She had to step out for a minute. My name is Edward, so if you need anything, I'll be close by."

"Wonderful." She drew out the word and looked me over again.

My stomach was churning, and I excused myself.

"Fucking disgusting," I whispered when I was further down the hall.

I hadn't made it halfway into my section before I heard, "Edward? Could you help me a moment, please?"

It was the fat woman.

_Shit_, I mouthed and turned back to the girls' changing rooms. "Coming," I announced.

Taking my time, I made my way to the door, dreading what I'd see on the other side. I knocked before entering the stall.

"Come on in," she said.

I opened the door and froze once I laid eyes on her. Her back was to me, and her bathing suit had been down nearly to her waist. The fat of her sides hung over the tight material. I almost gagged.

"This suit gets so snug when it's wet," she explained in a strained voice. "Could you possibly help me get it down the rest of the way?"

This lady had no shame. There she was, fat as a damn cow, a bathing suit embarrassingly stuck around her waist, and she was trying to make it with a sixteen year old kid.

I stood in stunned horror. I didn't know whether to laugh at the woman or turn and run the hell out of there as fast as I could.

She finally turned her head to me when I didn't answer. "Well, shut the door. We don't want anyone looking in on us!"

My head snapped to the open door right behind me. I seized the opportunity to bolt.

"Let me go see if I can find the girl attendant to help you. She'll be here soon." I fled down the hall, feeling like a complete idiot.

I couldn't find Bella. Admittedly, I didn't look very hard. There was fucking no way I'd tell her what happened back there. I only hoped to God that woman wouldn't call me again and that she'd figured out some way to wiggle out of that suit.

As I walked through my section once again, hiding from the fat lady and attempting to find some sort of work to do, I noticed two rooms that Bella hadn't taken me through when showing me around. The first was nothing more than a janitor's closet, stocked with brooms, mops, and buckets. The second door at the end of the hall led to some sort of run-down outdoor atrium.

The walls around it were concrete and seven feet tall. The ceiling was completely open. And in the center was a three-foot high, narrow concrete slab, long enough for four people to sit on. I shut the door behind me, happy to find this quiet little place that I knew I'd return to often when there was nothing to do.

I sat down on the slab, listening to the birds and waited. Waited for something to happen; I didn't know what. I imagined Bella coming through the door. Imagined being alone with her and getting to know her in such a neutral and nice setting.

The word "handsome" flitted through my mind again and again. How she said it, the tone of her voice. I smiled and looked down at the ground.

In all my musings, I couldn't figure out _why_ she said it. Maybe she found me attractive… or maybe she was just messing with me. I chose to imagine the former for the moment and not the latter, and I gazed at the sky wistfully. What if…

Suddenly, the knob of the door turned, and I hopped down from the slab, expecting to see the manager coming in.

But it was Bella.

"Edward, what are you doing?" she asked curiously and a bit anxiously as she stepped outside.

"What, are we not supposed to out here?" I asked.

She eased up, and shrugged. "The manager never comes out here. We and the lifeguards use this place to eat our lunch on a nice day."

I sat down again and she sat next me, so close that her elbow bumped mine. I fidgeted but stayed put, fighting the urge to move even closer.

She fished something out of her pocket then held her hand out to me. "Here."

It was a ten-dollar bill. I looked at her inquisitively.

"It's for you. From that fat beauty," she explained.

"Yeah, a beauty," I scoffed. "And I don't want it."

"Don't be silly. She gave it to you for helping her." She held her hand out further.

_More like she tried to help herself to me._

I looked at the money in disgust. "No, really, I don't want-"

She interrupted me with, "Don't be such a baby. It's yours."

"I don't-"

"Edward," she cut me off again sternly, "I know, alright? I know. Just take it."

I relented. She knew something had happened, and I was humiliated. I lowered my head and took the bill sullenly, feeling like a male prostitute.

She sat back, watching me with concern. "See." A delicate smile came to her lips. "It's not so bad. You don't even have to do anything. She probably paid you for just imagining it."

She looked up at the sky then, the smile gone and now a peculiar expression on her face. I fixated her with curious eyes. She looked almost sad.

"It never goes too far, so don't worry. I'll keep a lookout and let you know when we should swap," she said, sounding like she hated this idea just as much as I did.

I took in her tired and gloomy expression. It told me that this was something normal to her. She was used to it, had resigned herself to it. But she hated herself for it. I hated it for her.

"Do you like working here?" I asked quietly, my eyes still on her.

She turned to me, and our eyes locked on each other's for what seemed like hours, even though it was seconds. A crease formed in her forehead as if she was searching for something.

Instead of answering me, she said, "You have gorgeous eyes." She looked back up at the sky, swinging her feet. "My favorite color."

My jaw tightened as her words went straight to my gut. I wanted to tell her she was beautiful. So beautiful she almost didn't seem real. That I couldn't believe I was sitting next to her. That she was nothing like the other girls I'd known throughout my life. They didn't even compare to her.

But I couldn't say any of that. She was complimenting my eyes because she liked the color green. It had nothing to do with them being _my_ eyes.

And that was the end of the conversation. As my eyes stayed glued to her, she walked to the door and left me there.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

It was time to go home for the night. Bella had changed clothes. She came out of her store-room wearing a short, blue, button-down dress, knee-high brown boots, and a long, green, light weight coat. It was warm during the day but always chilly at night.

I flipped the light switch off for my section and waited for her at the end of hers, my finger on the light switch to turn it off once she made it down. She didn't look at me at all, while I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

I watched her approach, her long coat floating around her legs as she walked quickly. The way her full hips moved, her simple walk excited me more in a matter of seconds than any of the dozens of dates I'd been on since I was fifteen. She would sit and talk with me, and then she would dismiss me like she was doing now. The faraway look in her eyes like I wasn't even there made me crave her attention.

She made her way to the front doors, and I followed behind. I turned the front lights off, and she waited for me outside. She still hadn't looked at me, not even a glance. I tried to get in front of her to force it once I was out the door, but she simply closed it, locked up and turned to the sidewalk.

"Night, Edward," she called as she walked away from me.

My shoulders slumped as I watched her go. Filled with disappointment, I simply said, "G'night."

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**I'd love to share a bit of a teaser if you send a review for me to reply to! Since I've already finished this fic, I figured it'd be fun to share some of the next chapter with you. Just a little snippet. :) I hope to hear from lots of you! Thanks so much again for reading! -hugs-**

**-Andy**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here's ya another one! :) Hope you enjoy. Thanks to all that have alerted, favorited, and reviewed this little fic. I'm not sure how many chapters there will be in the end. I haven't separated the rest into chapters yet. I'm thinking around 10 though. We'll see. :) **

**As always, this is completely unbeta'd. So, sorry for any screw-ups. *hugs***

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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The next morning began with Bella asking me to help a lady in her section again while she tended to the man in mine. She claimed this one would be easier than the last one. It was, in fact, easier since this woman was actually slightly attractive. It was shittier because the woman was a bitch who yanked the towel out of my hand then told me to "Get out."

She still gave a ten dollar tip, so enduring the bitchy attitude was worth it.

A few hours later I ran down to a sandwich shop at Bella's request and got us both lunch. She gave me the money to cover it, even though I insisted that I could pay for it. She said I'd owe her and chuckled then walked away. I chose to ignore the comment and the little laugh, refusing to allow her to mess with my head another day.

I came back with the sandwiches to find her sitting on a chair in the pool area, wearing a white bikini, her hair up in a messy bun. Despite my resolution to remain unaffected by her, I stumbled a bit at the sight of her. I tried to recover quickly and made my way toward her.

She stood up from the chair, and her back was to me. I allowed myself to look at her, seizing the moment while she was still unaware of me behind her, and my eyes swept over her body more than once. Her skin was pale and looked so soft. Her legs were long, slender. I took in as much of her as I could before she turned and noticed me.

"Oh, Edward, thanks!" she said with a bright smile.

I smiled back and handed her the food. "So we're allowed to swim here?" I asked.

She sat back down in the chair, unwrapping her sandwich, and motioned for me to sit in the one next to hers. "Sure. As long as it's on lunch break or anytime we're not on duty."

"Awesome." The idea that I had a free place to swim for the summer made the unpleasant aspects of the job more bearable. I unwrapped my sandwich and began to eat, absent-mindedly watching the swimmers jump around in the pool.

"So what do your parents do?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Well, my dad's a doctor in another town, and my mother stays at home."

"Brothers and sisters?" she asked next.

I was taken aback by her sudden interest in me and nearly struggled to find the answers. "Um, no. Only child."

"That's a shame," she stated and took another bite.

"I guess." I shrugged. "What about you?"

She kept her eyes on her sandwich and, in a lazy tone, said, "My mom's dead. I don't know my dad. And as far as I know, I'm an only child as well."

Relishing the little nugget of information I'd gotten out of her and wanting to hear more, I tried to think of more questions to keep the conversation going. But then she said, "Look at those boys there," and pointed.

I looked over and saw that three guys about my age were changing clothes right by the pool. I didn't want to, but I knew it was my job to handle it. I certainly couldn't let her deal with it.

"Hey!" I yelled out to them then stood to walk closer. "You can't change out here. Take your shit to the men's rooms like you're supposed to."

"What the fuck's it matter?" one of them asked. "We're already wearing our swim trunks. It's just our shirts and shoes we're taking off."

"Once again, you have to take your shit to the men's rooms, even if it's just shirts and shoes." My tone had an edge to it.

He and his friends laughed it off. "Alright, man, alright. We'll go." He put his hands up to ease the tension, grabbed his things, and started to walk past me to the doors. "Hey," he said quietly when he was right next to me. "Is that your girl over there? She works here, right? We see her here all the time." One of his buddies slapped him on the arm, laughing. "Have you made it with her? She any good?" he asked.

His friends chuckled behind him.

Anger flowed through me. My eyes narrowed. I snatched his shirt and shoes out of his hands and tossed them in the pool.

He gaped at me incredulously. "You asshole! Go get them!"

"Go get them your fucking self!" I shouted back.

He and his friends came at me, pushing and shoving until we all fell in the pool.

"Hold him down!" I heard one of them shout. I twisted out of their grasp and ducked underwater, swimming away quickly until I reached a ladder. The two other guys were laughing as I climbed out. The smartass was still yelling at me, but I couldn't have cared less.

Coughing and squeezing water out of my shirt, I saw that Bella was still sitting quietly on the chair, eating her sandwich, a huge grin across her face.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

I went to the laundry room in the basement in order to get a dry pair of shorts and a shirt. The problem was I didn't have another dry pair of shoes or underwear. Confident that no one would come down there, I quickly peeled off the wet clothes. I threw the underwear and shoes in one of the dryers and pulled on the dry shorts while I waited for it finish.

I sat on a chair and slumped forward, my elbows resting on my knees. Bella's grin at the pool puzzled me. She wasn't laughing or even concerned as those dipshits tried to hold my head underwater. That grin she wore almost looked… giddy. It was the only time I thought I'd ever see her look girly or maybe even immature. The inability to read her in the slightest was becoming frustrating, although I couldn't wait to be close to her again. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity.

There were tiny rectangular windows at the top of one of the basement walls that looked into the men's section hallway. I hadn't noticed them there until the dryer was finished. I slipped out of the dry shorts to put my underwear back on. The windows were to my right, and as I began to pull my underwear up, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye.

I glanced up and saw Bella's face in one of the windows. The shock of seeing her there made me freeze, and my mind went blank. Our eyes locked, and for a moment I forgot where I was and that I was half naked as I became lost in the deep stare.

The look on her face was tender, and a small smile played across her lips. Her head tilted to the side, and for the first time I thought I could interpret her expression. I sensed that she might have been thankful. Maybe she heard what that guy had said about her and appreciated me standing up for her.

I saw something else in her eyes, though. They moved over me, brazenly. The way the fat woman's eyes had. Only this time, I felt far from disgusted. And it didn't feel wrong. She was just looking, fully, not caring that I knew she was doing it; her lips still upturned in a gentle smile.

Then she stood and was gone.

It could've been a dream. Hell, it would've made more sense if it were a dream. She saw me like that and smiled. It couldn't mean anything, not the way I wish it did. Or maybe she _was_ just as attracted to me as I was to her. No, it couldn't be possible.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Come outside and eat with me, Edward." Bella rounded the corner to my section after she'd come back from the sandwich shop. I paid this time.

"Yeah, sure," I said and followed her to the atrium.

Day three of working at the pool had been uneventful. Customers were nice, they tipped well, and none expected any sexual favors for it. I was even getting used to the lewd stares I'd receive from the older ladies when I hung around the pool. There had been no talk between Bella and me about the day before when I'd caught her staring at my nearly naked body.

I found it difficult to be around her at first. My cheeks flushed the moment I saw her that morning, and I tried to avoid eye contact. It couldn't be said about Bella, though; she treated me the same as before it happened, as if it never happened at all.

We sat on the slab again, just as close this time as the last time, and Bella removed her sandals.

"I got us a rag mag so we could have some laughs," she said jokingly and held out the magazine for me to see. "Have you heard of this pregnant man that's been in the news?"

I knew the story. The supposed pregnant man was on the cover of this particular magazine, proudly displaying the protruding belly.

I snickered. "It's not a man. It's a woman dressed like a man. She still has all her parts."

Bella swallowed a bite and laughed. "It's still kind of shocking. Looks like a man."

"Yeah, but a man could never get pregnant. It's stupid. They should stop talking about it like that." I laughed with her and unwrapped my sandwich.

"I'm sure it makes people consider contraceptives more carefully. No man would ever want to get pregnant."

I laughed louder and took a bite.

"Does it make you consider contraceptives more carefully?" She asked before taking a drink of her soda.

I nearly choked. I covered it with a fake cough and didn't answer. My face felt burning hot. She looked over at me while my eyes stayed on the floor.

Her bare foot moved and nudged my ankle. "Edward?"

I was so fucking embarrassed. "I can't really be any more careful than I already am," I said quietly.

"What's that mean?" She turned her body toward me and put her sandwich down beside her.

My heart pounded in my ears. I was about to admit to her that I was a virgin. Just another reason for her to see me as nothing but a little kid.

"I haven't… you know… haven't…"

She put her hand on my shoulder and leaned even closer. My breath hitched. "It's alright," she said. "You don't need to be embarrassed." The smile on her lips was playful.

I felt my muscles tense. I moved away from her just barely, hoping she wouldn't notice. "I'm not embarrassed. Why would I be?" I knew my expression would give me away. I tried to hide my shy smile behind my hand and pretend that the conversation was no big deal, but she saw through it.

She stood and stepped in front of me, slipping one of her knees between mine, her breasts inches from my face.

Fixating me with a steady gaze, she held the playful smile. My chest ached at her close proximity. It was what I'd wish for the past three days, but the reality of it felt crushing. I looked up at her in awe, my lips pressed in a hard line. My hands went to my lap and I struggled to keep them there.

"No reason to get embarrassed. I don't care. Let's see…" She pressed her index finger to her lips as if in deep thought. The other hand was still on my shoulder. "What about… the lady that does the laundry? Would you like that?" she asked seriously, but I knew she was teasing.

I sighed and looked at the ground. "Bella, that's not even funny."

The laundry lady was older than Bella and nowhere near as attractive. Plus, she wore a wedding ring. Really not funny.

"I'm not joking," she said matter-of-factly, still teasing, and squeezed my shoulder. "You're a good looking guy. Shouldn't be too hard to find someone."

"It's not that it's hard to find anyone," I explained. "I want to, but I don't just want anyone. Not like these other guys that sleep around with girls all the time."

She lifted her hand and ran it through my hair gently. Every nerve in my body felt alive. I didn't know how much more of her I could take. "Well, don't ever be embarrassed. It's not a big deal."

"I know." My eyes locked on hers for a moment before I couldn't handle it anymore. My breath moved her long hair and I had to look away. "We should probably go back. Might be customers waiting."

Without any hint of anxiety, she backed away and gathered her trash. "Yeah, back to the job."

How she could be so cavalier about what had just happened was something I couldn't understand.

She walked out of the atrium completely unaffected, while I was a wreck. My heart was in my throat. Everything felt unreal, as if I couldn't decide if our interaction was real or the play of my imagination.

I needed a break from her after that. Just until the fog clouding my brain lifted. Of course, my eyes would never stop searching for her the second I stepped back into the hallway.

I spied her at the doors to the pool at the edge of her section. Silently, she motioned me to one of the women's stalls. Another swap. Fucking great. I rolled my eyes and nodded to her then she went into the pool area.

The woman was scrawny and tall. When I came to her stall, she eyed me like all the others and asked for a bar of soap for sensitive skin.

"Yes, ma'am," I answered and went to grab it from the store room.

When I returned, a towel was wrapped around her and the shower was on. I stayed in the doorway and stretched out my hand to give her the soap, not wanting to step one more foot in there. She moved slowly and reached out.

But instead of taking the soap, she gripped and tugged roughly at a lock of hair behind my ear.

I brought my hand up to pull hers away. "Miss…"

With a quiet moan, she tugged harder, and I winced, my head thrown to the side and my eyes clenched shut. She let go after that, apparently satisfied, a sick grin plastered on her face.

She exchanged the soap in my hand for a twenty dollar bill, saying, "That'll be all, boy." And shut the door in my face.

I staggered away and quickly walked back toward my section, rubbing the sore spot behind my ear as I looked at the floor, a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I hadn't noticed Bella standing close by until she spoke up.

"Was it alright?" she asked, referencing my encounter with the customer.

I dropped my hand and put on a faint smile. "Yeah, fine. No problem," I lied.

She regarded me for a moment, nodded and began to walk past me.

I forgot about the hair-pulling lady entirely in that instant; something else suddenly entered my mind. I watched her, knowing I had nothing to lose by asking her. I didn't have anything at all anyway… yet. So I decided to take the risk and said, "Hey, Bella."

She stopped and turned, that bored look on her face again.

"Um," I stammered nervously. "I was going to grab something to eat after work. Do you maybe want to go with me?"

I waited for her answer, my stomach in knots, and a stupid, giddy grin on my face.

Her expression never changed. While her dark brown eyes were gentle, the rest of her face indicated that she didn't give a damn. "Actually, my fiancé is picking me up today. Thanks, though." With that, she turned and walked away.

I can't say that I was surprised, because I wasn't. Her words snapped me back to reality, though, and that's what left me standing there, my eyes downcast and empty. The reality that she was twenty-five. The reality that of course she was engaged, or at least with someone.

My adrenaline plummeted, and I could have fallen to the floor. I did have something to lose, after all. My hope, no matter ridiculous it was to have in the first place, was completely gone.

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**So Bella's a little give-and-take-away. :) I can't wait to read your thoughts on this one! Review for me pwease! *hugs and love***

**- Andy**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This is a short one, but a fun one (I hope). :) Thanks to those who are reading this little story. I think I've added everything up and there will be a total of 8 chapters, so we're already halfway done! Share this with a friend or a blog, if you can; I'd really appreciate it! *hugs and love* Thanks again! :)**

**Oh, and if you're interested in what song I played and played and played while writing this, look up Gardens And Villa "Black Hills". SUCH a sexy song. :)**

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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I stayed to my section the rest of the day, cleaning and re-cleaning the men's showers. Loading up on more clean towels than was necessary. Her revelation of being engaged put me into a robotic state. I didn't know how to feel about it. There was a dismal spark of hope that I clung to, as faint as a tiny ember, when I thought of the fact that I hadn't seen a ring on her finger. The explanation could be simple; maybe she didn't wear it to work since we had to clean up after disgusting people all day. Or maybe she only called him her fiancé and didn't have a ring yet. I didn't know. Pitifully, I kept hoping she was just joking.

The extreme highs to the dramatic lows I felt ultimately left me numb until the end of the day when I saw a man waiting by the front doors of the building. A feeling I didn't recognize bubbled up inside me, and I narrowed my eyes at him. I approached him, already knowing who he was and wanting to kill him for it.

"Can I help you, sir?" I asked with my arms crossed over my chest.

Barely looking at me, he answered, "I'm waiting for Bella."

I nodded and looked him over quickly before walking away. He wore jeans and a sports coat over a polo shirt. He looked older than Bella, maybe even in his thirties. He had a long face, blonde hair, and deep-set, painfully dull eyes.

I went back to the men's rooms, keeping an eye out for Bella. She emerged a moment later, dressed in a short, black dress, wearing her green coat again. She went to the front doors without seeing me.

"Ready?" Bella's fiancé asked her.

"Yeah, let's go. Edward can lock up," she said.

They left, and I followed behind a moment later, careful to not be spotted by them. His black BMW was parked on the corner, a few cars in front of mine. I climbed into my old, blue Duster and waited.

Instead of going home, instead of grabbing dinner like I'd told Bella I would, instead of a dozen other rational things I should have done, I kept a safe distance and followed their car. It should've bothered me that I was doing this, but for some reason it didn't.

_Just see where they're going and go home._

They wouldn't even see me. I was just curious, or maybe I was too tired to think straight. It didn't matter. There was no point in trying to figure myself out. By the time I decided to ignore my own thoughts, Bella's fiance had pulled into the parking lot of an old theater that usually played art house films and classics. And most of these were rated R.

No one ever asked me for ID. I could've probably even bought a drink if I wanted to.

I parked the car far away from them and watched. There was no way I was going to follow them in there. I'd just wait here until they were inside.

But I opened my car door and climbed out.

_I'll just stand here and watch._

Once again my body acted on its own, and I found myself stepping off the curb and heading across the street toward the theatre. My steps were slow, and I kept my eyes on them, making sure I didn't get too close before they were in. Once they were inside, I finally glanced at what movie was playing. _The Lover_. I had no fucking clue what it was about.

I stepped to the box office and said to the young woman, "One, please," hoping she wouldn't sense my nervousness.

She regarded me with a smile and handed me my ticket in exchange for the eight bucks in my hand. The theater was almost empty, so I spotted them easily, sitting close to the back. I watched them for a moment as the lights went down and the movie started.

The fiancé leaned toward Bella and put his hand to her cheek. She brushed him off and turned away. A twinge of elation surged through me. They had a few words, and he leaned forward in his seat, obviously frustrated with her.

I took the opportunity to sneak into the seat one row behind her. She took no notice of me and propped her elbows up on the arm rests. Her brown hair was wrapped up in a messy bun again, and the bare nape of her neck was inches away from me. I leaned forward, desperate to be near her.

She couldn't feel me behind her, or she didn't show it if she did. She was motionless, her eyes focused on the screen. I could smell her perfume as I inched toward her. I fixated on a spot right below her hairline and closed my eyes. I held my breath so she wouldn't sense its tickle on her neck.

Just then, I felt her turn slightly, and my eyes snapped open. She looked right at me, but I didn't back away. Although fear flowed through me, I resolved that I would only move if she made me.

I brushed the tip of my nose against the nape of her neck. It was soothing, relaxing… painful. It messed with my mind. Her shoulders tensed slightly as my nose glided along her skin. She was looking at the screen again, hiding what was happening with a calm expression. She knew it was me, and she wasn't stopping me.

I was losing it, my stomach aching in an exhilarating way. I couldn't stop. I slipped my hand between her seat and the seat next to it. Shakily, I touched her arm and kept reaching further until I could feel the fabric of her dress. My palm pressed to her abdomen and crept up slowly. My shallow, moist breaths were hitting the back of her shoulder, and I could feel her trembling.

She was letting me do this to her; I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. She was completely aware of who I was, how old I was, and it was happening. _This_ was happening. The sensation was maddening.

My hand was quivering, but I couldn't stop, not now. Not while she was allowing this. My hand pressed against her more firmly, possessively and kept moving up. Finally, I felt the swell of her breast in my palm, and I froze. I pushed my forehead into her shoulder and clenched my eyes shut to keep from moaning.

The moment was shattered a second later when her hand grabbed mine roughly and shoved it away. I fell back in my seat to see her fiancé begin to stand up. My excitement turned to panic.

"Where you going?" I heard her ask him.

"Men's room," he answered.

She waved him off, sending him away. He was completely unaware of what had just happened between us.

Once he was gone, I leaned forward again, gently touching Bella's arm.

"Bella, you knew it was me," I said then added, "It was just a joke." I told her the lie in a pleading voice.

She turned to me fully, a furious look on her face. I knew it was coming. She'd call me a perverted little prick, and we'd never speak again. I'd probably even quit my job at the pool. I looked at her sullenly, waiting for it.

Her eyes softened, and she lifted her hand, gently cupping my cheek in her palm. Confused, I never changed the expression on my face, having no idea what to expect.

She smiled and leaned in, pulling my face to hers. She kissed me with a passion that was no doubt spurred on by the forbidden nature of it. There was nothing gentle about it. Her hand went to the back of my head, and she grasped my unruly hair.

My body remained rigid, but my lips moved with hers hungrily. The kiss was dangerous, like shattered glass cutting our lips. But it was all I wanted. It would be enough. Even if I never saw her again, this would be enough.

I knew that was a lie the moment the thought entered my mind. But that her lips were even touching mine, that _she_ kissed _me_… it was more than I had ever imagined possible.

She pulled away before I ready for it to be over. We stared at each other for a moment, my mouth slightly open; the kiss still lingering there. She turned back to the screen without a word.

Once her eyes were off of me, I couldn't contain a smile as I fell back into my seat completely relieved, my body reeling from the experience of her kiss. I closed my eyes and immediately recalled it, feeling the promise of something more. The promise that this wouldn't be the last kiss she'd give me.

The fiancé came back not even a minute later. Bella smirked at him. The oblivious bastard smiled back.

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**I'm so curious about what y'all think of this chapter! :D Please, please let me know in a review! I hope to hear from more of you as the story progresses! Thanks! *hugs***

**-Andy**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey everyone! :) I'm posting this one earlier for a couple reasons: 1) I wanted to. haha :) and 2) Losing It has been nom'd for Fic Of The Week over at The Lemonade Stand blog! There's a vote going on til tomorrow... or later today, I guess. lol I wanted to let all of you know about it, so you could go and vote if you'd like to! Just Google search and go to the blog and the poll is on the right! Thanks so much to those awesome people! *hugs* :)**

**Once again, sorry for any overlooked mistakes. No beta. lol  
**

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

* * *

"When's the big day?" I asked her as we sat outside during our lunch break the next day.

We were seated on the slab, back to back, pressed together; her head resting against mine. We had no food this time. Bella was reading a book, while I was picking up small pebbles and throwing them against the wall.

"I don't know. We've never discussed it," she answered.

I smirked satisfactorily.

Neither of us had brought up the kiss. Again, she acted as if it nothing had happened. I just didn't know how to approach the subject. Teasing her about it would've ruined it, but I was desperate to know if it meant as much to her as it had to me. Instead, I tested her commitment to her fiancé, hoping I could get my answer that way.

"We may discuss it tonight, though," she added.

I stilled my movements. A hard line formed in my forehead. "Why tonight?"

"He's letting me pick out my ring after work," she said passively.

I didn't say anything. I appreciated the fact that we were sitting in such a way that she couldn't see my face. I had the look of someone who had just been punched in the chest.

She was going to buy an engagement ring… after she had kissed me and allowed me to fondle her the night before. Biting my tongue and doing my best to conceal my hurt, I continued throwing pebbles at the wall.

She kept talking. "I'm not sure if I want a diamond. Maybe an emerald or a ruby?" I stayed quiet. But she didn't stop. "After that we're getting dinner, and then we're going to The Warehouse."

"What's that?" I asked in a somber tone as I pressed my back to hers more firmly, savoring the physical contact as I felt my hope fading again.

"It's a nightclub."

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

The Warehouse was in a part of town I was forbidden to go to. Various nightclubs littered the three blocks surrounding it. Topless bars were tucked in there too. Those few blocks had always been dubbed "The Drunk District" by the kids at school. It was a place we all talked about going to once we were legal.

I tried to stay away, I knew I should've stayed away, but I couldn't. Simple as that.

She was there with her deadpan fiancé; a ring, signifying that I'd lost her, would be on her finger. I had to see her. See for myself if she was happy with him. She had looked miserable with him at the theatre.

She had kissed me so easily.

Maybe I needed to see her that night to understand her. If she enjoyed being with him, if she held his hand and smiled at him more than she smiled at me, then our kiss meant nothing. But if she had the same closed, detached expression, if she pushed him away as she had before, then what we had was real.

I tried to be cool as I stepped into the club and approached the doorman, as if I'd seen all this before. The narrow entrance made me feel trapped, however, and I knew that if I got caught I'd be fucked.

"Yeah, just one. How much is the cover tonight?" I said with false confidence to the guy behind the cash register.

He regarded me skeptically. "Need to see the ID first."

I wanted to run the hell out. This wasn't going to work; I knew that. But I gave it one more shot. Acting slightly annoyed, I said, "Look, my friends are already inside, and I couldn't find my ID. Could I just go in and look for them?"

He smirked and shook his head, clearly mocking me. "Find your ID then come back. You're not gettin' in here without it."

Defeated, I dropped my head and turned around.

I stepped back outside and had no clue what the hell I was going to do. None of these places would let me in. Anyway, I didn't care; there was only one place I needed to be. I had no way of knowing what was happening between Bella and her fiancé in that club, and it was driving me insane.

Mental snapshots of Bella flashed in my mind. One of her sitting next to him, her slender legs draped over his, a bright smile on her face. Another of them kissing. Her hand is tangled in his hair the way it was in mine. She's happy.

I took a deep breath to ease the constriction in my chest. I wouldn't think about it. I couldn't bear to. All that was left for me to do was wander around and wait for them.

I didn't know if I'd talk to her or if I'd even get the chance to. I walked up and down the same street, consistently sneaking glances at the front door to The Warehouse, desperate to keep my mind blank. I couldn't allow my imagination to run wild with ideas of what was going on in there.

I focused my attention on the fluorescent lights on the buildings, the drunken people stumbling down the sidewalk, the Asian man selling hot dogs on the corner… anything but Bella inside that club.

They'd been in there for an hour then two then almost three. Time seemed to crawl by.

Finally, there they were, stepping out, arm in arm. But Bella didn't look happy. I stood far enough away that they wouldn't see me, but I could see that Bella was not smiling. Not even close. Her fiancé was swaying, stumbling, and obviously wasted. Bella only clung to him to keep him from falling.

Just then, a taxi pulled up beside them. Bella threw open the back door, and her fiancé practically dove in. She just stood on the sidewalk, no movement to suggest that she was going to climb in next to him. I watched everything play out before my eyes like a movie, waiting to see if she would go with him, my heart pounding with anticipation.

Bella leaned in the passenger side window, said something to the driver that I couldn't hear, and then slammed the back door shut. The taxi pulled back onto the street, taking the shit-faced fiancé with it, as Bella headed down the sidewalk away from me. My eyes narrowed.

_What the fuck is she thinking?_

She couldn't walk home by herself!

There was no hesitation as I walked quickly to catch up with her.

How she'd feel about me being there, following her on another date, I didn't know. I was only vaguely scared to find out. I had to make sure she was safe; I didn't give a shit about anything else at the moment.

She had crossed one street before I reached her. Beyond the range of the nearby streetlights, we were walking in relative darkness. The orange hue from the background light made her green coat look bright yellow.

I reached out and delicately tapped her shoulder. She jumped with a start, having not sensed anyone behind her, and turned around.

In the darkness, she couldn't recognize me, and her eyes narrowed as she searched my face.

"It's just me," I told her with a soft voice. I tried to glimpse at her hand to look for a ring, but it was impossible to tell without better light. Plus, she kept her left hand shoved in her pocket the whole time.

Her perplexed expression dissolved into a smile. "Edward, what are you doing here?" she asked happily.

"I was just… making sure you're okay," I told her.

She looked confused again. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I saw you walking by yourself and thought it might not be safe."

She scoffed but the smile returned. "It's not the first time I've done it, Edward. It's not a big deal."

"But why should you have to walk home by yourself? Why didn't you take the cab?" I asked, slightly annoyed that she'd put herself in potential danger when she had an easy way out of it.

It was a slip, though. Inadvertently, I had just admitted to watching her. But I couldn't take it back, of course.

She answered my questions quickly, not at all addressing the confession behind them, which was a relief to me. "And why should I have to take care of him when he drinks too much? He's hopeless when he's like that." She turned away from me and started walking again.

I followed after her. "So he's a good guy when he's not wasted?"

She stopped, making a half-turn toward me, and fixed me with a penetrating gaze. "He's okay," she said indifferently.

I fully returned her stare, my body leaning toward her on its own volition. Then her lips slowly broke into a smile. Mine did too, and we shared a laugh as we looked away from each other and kept walking.

"Just okay, huh?" I teased.

"Nobody's perfect," she answered with a shrug.

"But there should be a perfect somebody for everybody, right?"

She chuckled and nudged my arm playfully. "You're old enough to not believe in fairy tales, Edward."

I smiled but only faintly, dismayed that she was commenting on my age again. "I don't believe in them. I just think some people take whatever they can get; you know, they settle."

Her steps faltered. "So you think that's what I'm doing? Is that what you're getting at?" she asked; a mix of mild surprise and anger in her tone.

Heat rushed to my face. I sighed heavily and shook my head. "No, I didn't mean you. Sorry. I don't even know the guy. I do think you should be happy, though. Everybody should be."

Her expression softened, and she reached forward. She grasped the side of my coat, right at my waist, and tugged gently. "You're sweet. Sweeter to me than I deserve." She took a small step closer, and I matched it with my own. The sweet smell of her perfume filled my senses. "Don't ever lose that quality. Trust me… girls love it." I detected a hint of sadness in her tone that I couldn't comprehend.

_It only matters to me if you love it_, I wanted to say but couldn't.

Her deep eyes locked with mine again. Against my own will, I had to look away. I felt as if she'd see right through me; see how strongly I felt for her. I was all of a sudden sharply aware of just how close she was. So close that when I dropped my head, my chin gently brushed her forehead.

I stared at her hand that held my coat and smiled softly. "I won't lose it; I promise."

I was making the promise to her. My secret pledge that if she'd consider me, I'd always be like this. I'd always try to make her happy.

I couldn't tell her I was speaking directly to her, though. I would be too open, putting myself out there too much. I couldn't do that when I was so unsure of how she felt about me. Even with the kiss and all the gentle touches and heavy looks, I still never knew what they meant to her.

She tugged again on my coat, pulling me toward her, so close now that I felt her hair tickle my neck. My hand jerked toward hers, but I kept it back and glanced at her wistfully.

Slowly, her hand made its way past my coat and went _into_ my coat, her fingertips grazing my shirt delicately. The stinging sensation her touch created was becoming more familiar; pain with pleasure. Her fingers played with my shirt, tickling my side, making me want to pull away but move impossibly closer at the same time.

I pressed my chin to her forehead and shivered as I felt her warm, shaky breaths on my neck.

Although I'd never be sure, I had the sense that she wasn't playing with me this time. I could see it in the way her hand fumbled with my shirt, as if she were deciding what she wanted to do or even _fighting against_ what she wanted to do. Her uneven breaths. Her unsteady movements as she inched toward me then stopped again.

I tipped my head down and timidly pressed my lips to her forehead.

She sighed and looked up at me. "I was having a really shitty night, Edward. A really shitty night," she began. She took a step back and clung to my coat again. "Thanks for making it a little better." She gave a bright, sincere smile. "Or a lot better, actually." She let go and touched my arm lightly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I didn't want her to go, but I couldn't make her stay. She held the same smile as she turned away from me; the same smile that only promised me frustration.

"You sure you'll be okay?" I asked worriedly as she began to walk down the sidewalk.

She looked over her shoulder and laughed lightly. "Of course. Will you?"

I smiled and shook my head at her teasing tone. "You're welcome, Bella. See you tomorrow."

_See you tomorrow…_

The only thing I had to look forward to.

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**So does Bella seem a bit torn here to you? ;) What are your thoughts? Let me know! Can't wait to hear from y'all! *hugs and love***

**- Andy**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this one. And I ended it with a bit of a cliffie. :) We're seriously almost done (so sad. lol). I want to thank all of you who voted in The Lemonade Stand poll. To even be on that list with this little fic with barely 50-something reviews means so much! :D Thanks again SO MUCH! *hugs* Please leave me some love at the end!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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"Edward, there's a lady for you in my section," Bella announced as she came into my store room.

I put down my Thrasher magazine and gave her an irritated look. "Bella, I really don't think I want to do any more swapping."

"Oh, it's not that. She knows you. Her name is Jennifer or Jess-"

"Jessica," I finished, sitting up in my chair abruptly.

"Yeah… a girlfriend?"

I wanted to crawl out the window. I picked up the magazine again and flipped to a random page, burying my face in it and pretending to read. "I don't have one," I told her.

Bella made it impossible to avoid her. Instead of offering to tell Jessica that I wasn't there, she wore an amused smirk as she watched me. I peeked at her from above the magazine, waiting for her say something, anything.

Shit, she wasn't going to let it go. I was either going to have to deal with Jessica or tell Bella why I didn't want to deal with Jessica. Lose-lose.

Jessica was never a girlfriend. I had taken her out a few times, but nothing ever came from it. She was shy. No matter how hard I tried, I could never make anything happen, not even a kiss. I knew she liked my attention, but then she'd put a wall any time I tried anything physical.

And the last thing I wanted was for one of my sixteen year old semi-girlfriends coming into my job, asking Bella to get me.

With a huff, I dropped the magazine on the floor and took off toward the women's section.

"Jessica, where are you?" I called out once I was in the hallway.

"Number 6!" her voice rang out from the far end of the hall.

I rolled my eyes, not caring in the slightest to even see her. Reluctantly, I turned the knob and pushed the door open. The shower was running, and Jessica was standing beside it, wrapped in a towel.

"Come on in, Edward," she said in a flirty tone.

I eyed her as I stepped inside. She was cute, definitely cute. That hadn't changed. But I couldn't see her the same way. My perception of her had changed somehow.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"It's summer. I wanted to swim," she said with a light laugh.

I nodded and looked at the floor, wishing she'd get to the damn point and tell me what she wanted.

"Actually, I heard you were working here and wanted to ask you something," she said.

I raised my eyebrows expectantly. "Okay… Go ahead."

"You never call anymore. I was just wondering if something was wrong." Her cheeks took on a pink shade. She closed the gap between us, keeping her eyes glued to mine. I stood my ground, unsure of exactly what she was doing. "Do you still want…?" She didn't finish the question. She didn't have to, making its meaning obvious when she dropped the towel to her waist, exposing her pert breasts to me.

I only glanced at them for an instant before tearing my eyes away. I couldn't lie to her or lead her on. The truth was she didn't interest me anymore, so I had to look away.

"Jessica…" I began.

"Edward, listen. It's alright now. I've been thinking since we last talked, and I'm ready to try."

I kept my head turned as she spoke. Suddenly, she grabbed my hand, and I looked at her in surprise. She brought it to one of her breasts forcefully and pressed my palm to it.

"I'm ready to try now," she repeated as she held my hand firmly to her chest.

"Jessica, stop," I said softly, pulling my hand away. I yanked at the towel around her waist and brought it up to cover her chest again. "Nothing's happened, and it's not you, okay? I don't know how to explain it. I've just moved on from all that, from everybody. I've got other things going on now, that's all." I put my hand to her shoulder and squeezed gently. She was gaping at me, obviously taken aback by my words. "I'm sorry."

With that, I dropped my hand and left, sauntering down the hall until I made it back to my store room.

As I reached the doorway, I heard Jessica yell out, "Hey, don't forget your tip, Edward!"

"Fuck," I whispered.

"I got it," Bella said from behind me.

I turned around and saw Bella head down the hall to meet Jessica. I silently thanked her and watched as I stood by my store room where I was hidden from their view.

"I'll take that for him, Miss," she told Jessica politely and held out her hand.

Jessica looked at her quizzically and without a word, plopped the five dollar bill in Bella's hand. Bella closed her hand around it then glared at Jessica. I narrowed my eyes in utter confusion. Jessica's expression matched mine as Bella continued to stare at her with a piercing gaze.

Jessica turned away first, no doubt eager to escape Bella's intense look, and went into her changing room, slamming the door behind her.

Bella turned then, not backing down from Jessica until she was fully out of sight. Our eyes locked as I watched her come down the hall toward me, regarding her curiously. The whole exchange between her and Jessica was weird. I searched Bella's face for understanding as she got closer but found none. It brought a smug smile to her lips, an amused one, and she held the bill out to me.

"You can do much better," she said pointedly to me and continued on to her store room.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

The park next to our building was rarely used. The equipment was shitty, and there was more dirt than there was grass. So I was surprised when I left work Friday evening and spotted a car in the parking lot next to the rusted swing set. I didn't pay much attention at first until I squinted my eyes in the fading light and saw that it was the fiance's BMW.

I stared at it for a moment, confused as to what was going on. Bella was still inside; I had just seen her finishing up her section. But her fiancé wasn't with her. When the fuck had he shown up? An odd mixture of uncertainty, anger, and even grief bubbled up inside me. The knife cut deeper every time I knew she was with him.

I thought about going back inside to stop whatever was going on, but I settled for a different option instead. I could hurt him somehow. And I was betting this man loved his BMW. It would stop them from leaving together too.

Stealthily, I searched for a glass bottle. It didn't take long to find one; I spotted them all the time when I took the trash out to the dumpster in the alley. I gripped the bottle by the rim and broke it right down the middle against the corner of the building. I carried the chunk in my hand to the car, glancing around me the whole time.

When I was sure I was in the clear, I knelt down and shoved the jagged end against one of the back tires then covered it with a pile of dirt I had gathered from the ground. I ran from the BMW and climbed into my Duster, which was parked by the front doors. I'd still be able to see them when they came out the back exit.

Ten minutes later the sun had set completely. In the darkness, I could see that the back door had been pushed open, but I only spotted one person come out. I waited, but the only person I saw was Bella making her way to the car; the fiancé wasn't with her.

"Oh, shit," I said out loud and hopped out of my car.

She was alone. He must have let her use his car. Before I could get very far, Bella started it up and tried to drive off. A terrible pop followed by a loud whoosh sounded throughout the parking lot. The brakes squealed as Bella slammed on them roughly.

I reached her as she shut off the car and climbed out, examining the back driver's side tire.

"Damn it," I heard her say as she threw the keys onto the floorboard.

"Bella. Bella… I'm sorry. I-" I stammered out of breath as I stepped to the driver's side.

She fixated me with a furious glare. She had never raised her voice to me, but she was pissed now, and I stepped back, waiting for her reaction.

"Edward… you little bastard," she hissed angrily. She came at me, and I stumbled back toward the park.

"Bella, wait," I began as I turned away from her and ran further into the park.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she spat from right behind me.

I stopped and turned to face her. She was running right at me and collapsed against my chest, knocking us both to the ground.

I hit the ground with a grunt, and I felt her arms pulling at me. "You little bastard," she said again.

I reached for her, trying to grab her hands and hold them away from me. But she managed to get a swing in at me, and I felt her engagement ring collide painfully with my tooth.

She felt the impact, too, and jumped off of me right away.

"Fuck!" I yelled, bringing my hand to my mouth. Something was in my mouth. Large and rock hard.

She had knocked my tooth out.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry," she said, all the anger gone now. She put her hand on my shoulder to help me sit up.

I spat my tooth out onto the ground and felt around my mouth. I couldn't believe it. I sat still, moving my fingers along my mouth, trying to find the empty spot in my gums.

"You knocked my tooth out!" I yelled in a muffled voice.

"I know. I'm sorry, really. I was just angry. You shouldn't have done that to his car, you know? I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to." Her arm was completely around me now, a pitiful and regretful look on her face.

"I need a mirror. Quick," I said, still unable to find where the tooth was missing from.

"Yeah, yeah, here. I've got one." She reached into her purse but stopped suddenly, pulling her left hand to her face. "Oh, my God." Her eyes went wide, and I looked at her quizzically. "Oh, my God. It's not your tooth! Look!" She shoved her hand in my face, and I saw her ring. The diamond was missing from its prongs.

I shoved my hand back in my mouth and confirmed that all my teeth were in fact there. "It's not my tooth," I said thankfully.

"Shit! Please help me look for it!" she begged as she raked the piles of dirt with her fingers. "Did you spit it out?" she asked.

"Yeah, over there, somewhere." I pointed to a spot in front of my feet.

"Oh, God. This is impossible. I have to find it! Do you know how much that cost?" she babbled. She grasped desperately at the dirt, crawling around on her knees.

I grabbed her arm. "Bella, stop. It's no good. You're just treading it into the ground like that!"

She fought me at first, but then realization crossed her face. "God, yeah, I am. What do we do?" She looked at me desperately.

I didn't give a damn about the diamond, but I needed to help her. I _wanted_ to help her. She was looking to me to think of a way. Maybe it would mean something to her. I had to try.

"Okay, stay right there. Don't move." I stood and began dragging my heel in the dirt, digging a circle around us.

"What are you doing?" she asked as she watched.

"Just don't move," I answered. "I know what I'm doing. I'll be right back."

When someone loses a diamond in the snow, you're supposed to gather the snow into trash bags then melt it in a bath of warm water to locate the diamond. I was going to attempt this method, to an extent, with dirt.

It was all I could do.

I ran back into the empty building to collect the bags, a shovel, and a flashlight and returned a moment later. She was still looking with her fingers, just barely, careful not to disturb the dirt too much. She hopped out of the circle, and we quickly shoveled the dirt into the bags as best as we could.

As she shined the flashlight down, I scoured the ground with my fingers one last time before we carried the bags inside.

The pool had been drained for the night, so the entire floor of it would be dry. A perfect place to spread the dirt and look for the diamond.

"I'm supposed to be meeting him right now to give him back his car. Oh God, he's going to be so pissed," she mumbled as we carried the bags down the ladder to the pool floor.

"Why do you have it anyway?" I asked.

"Mine isn't very dependable," she answered.

We settled on our knees in a corner of the pool, the three bags of dirt next to us. I pulled one over and opened it up.

"Okay, we'll start with this one. Lay the dirt out a little at a time."

She nodded and pulled out a handful, spreading it in front of her. "This'll take hours, won't it? Do you think we'll find it?" she asked sadly.

"Don't worry. We'll find it eventually," I said, not really believing it myself.

I felt bad that despite the sullen look on her face, I was happy to be with her. To have found a way to spend time with her again, even in the silliest of situations like this.

We searched silently, grabbing handfuls and raking through them with our fingertips.

After a while, she finally spoke up. "I think I'll call him and tell him something came up here."

I didn't say anything in response. It was only natural that she'd be concerned about him, but I still hated it to hear it. It wasn't plausible to expect that this moment would be about us. It was about her engagement ring. She was confirming that.

I kept my head down, scanning the dirt, hiding the hurt in my eyes as she stood up and climbed up the ladder and out of the pool. I heard her begin to speak into her phone as she disappeared into the manager's office.

My stomach clenched. I dug more fervently to release some of the tension in my body. I grabbed another handful and threw it to the ground. My fingers scraped at it, creating deep lines in the pile. Then something shimmered. My hands froze.

Squinting, I moved closer and saw it, nestled in one of the narrow lines. I plucked it out and looked at it with unbelieving eyes. I was amazed that I had found it.

I stood to run out of the pool and show Bella. She would be happy. This would make her happy. She would hang up with her fiancé and thank me, maybe even hug me, and, yes, maybe even kiss me.

And then she'd probably leave.

Her fiancé would come and get her once she told him about the tire, or she'd call a cab.

She wouldn't stay with me. This was all going to be for nothing.

The thought made me stop dead in my tracks. I stood there at the bottom of the pool, the diamond between my thumb and index finger, and contemplated what I had to do.

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**What do you envision Edward doing? :D Lemme know! I answer all reviews and would love to read your "theories" (hehe) and answer any questions! *hugs and love***

**- Andy**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Second to last chapter here! Now, I have to say a couple things. It's been a loooong time since I've written hefty romance, so forgive me if you can tell. lol Secondly, this is similar to a scene in the film this fic is based on, but I've changed it up... lots. So if it seems a little crazy... well, it's a lot crazy. ;) Enjoy! Thanks to all who have supported this fic! I appreciate it so much! *hugs and love***

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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"Edward, what are you doing? I wasn't even gone long," Bella said, annoyed as she climbed down the ladder.

She found me lying on the pool floor, on top of the sheets and towels I'd thrown down. I was covered by more towels… all the way up to my neck.

"Come on, Edward. I know it's late, but we've got to keep looking, please?" She walked away from me, toward the bags and piles of dirt.

I stayed stone silent, staring up at the ceiling.

"What are you doing?" she asked, confused, and stepped toward me again. "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

I said nothing.

"Edward…" she began then a small smile crept to her lips, "did you find it?" she asked quietly, excited. "Did you? Come on, you found it, didn't you?"

My eyes stayed on the ceiling.

"If you found it, tell me, Edward." Her voice was becoming more forceful. "Where is it?" She reached for the towel covering me, and my heart starting racing. "Where is it?" She yanked the towel off on the last word.

She gasped as she stared down at my naked body. I closed my eyes, trying to ease the riot in my gut. She dropped the towel, and it landed on my waist. I took a risk and allowed myself to look at her.

Her lips were pressed into a rigid line. Her gaze didn't falter, and I sensed determination in her entire posture.

"Give it to me, Edward. Come on. Where is it?" she asked sternly.

I opened my mouth and showed her that I'd placed the diamond on the tip of my tongue. I teased her with it for a moment before closing my mouth again and looking up at the ceiling.

Her hard expression gave way to slight panic, and she knelt down beside me. "Don't swallow it. Please, just don't swallow-" She covered her mouth with her hand.

I wanted to tell her that I wouldn't, assure her that I wouldn't do that to her, but I couldn't. I had to challenge her. I couldn't back down.

She rose to her feet quickly, walking away with heavy steps toward her coat and purse. I watched her the whole time, knowing that she wouldn't leave. She couldn't leave without that diamond. Her stubbornness wouldn't allow her to.

Just as I thought, she turned to me again, her brown eyes full of intensity. I fought back a smile. She was about to meet my challenge.

First, she removed her shoes and threw them to the floor. Then she slipped off her dress. I watched as she removed her bra and remembered all the times I had imagined us this way. Just the two of us. Completely exposed to one another. The reality of it felt crushing, although the sensations flowing through me made me seem weightless.

The intensity never left her eyes as she slid down her black panties. Refusing to look away, I stared back at her fully, my heart hammering in my chest. I wasn't going to hide anymore. My eyes raked over her body as she walked to me.

I lay motionless, waiting for her next move. She stood over me for a moment, a smirk on her lips as she gazed down at me.

I balanced the diamond on the tip of my tongue again in a teasing fashion.

_What will you do for it?_ my eyes said.

She knelt down beside me, placing a palm on each side of my head.

I expected an angry, impassioned response, but she simply leaned in and kissed me. Our tongues mingled, and I passed the diamond from my mouth to hers. She didn't prolong it at all. Once she had the rock safely between her teeth, she stood as quickly as she had sat down and turned away from me.

My heart felt like it shattered. I had tried my own game with her and failed miserably. More importantly, I had just revealed myself. Told her exactly how I felt about her without saying anything at all… and all she cared about, still, was her diamond.

That _fucking_ diamond.

I turned onto my side, away from her, and buried my face in my arms, humiliated.

I heard her bare feet patter on the concrete as she walked away from me. Then I heard the snap of her purse after she placed the diamond inside it. Then all the noise stopped.

I didn't dare to look at her, but I was deafened by the wild thumping of my heart, wondering what she was doing.

The patter of her feet sounded again, softer, slower this time, and coming closer. I waited, shallow, constricted breaths escaping my lips.

Suddenly, her knees pressed against my back gently, and then her hands were on my shoulder, turning me over to face her.

Without speaking, she told me what to do next when she lay down and pulled me on top of her.

The warmth of her body, her breasts pushing into my chest was all too much in its immediacy. My mind couldn't keep up with my body's reaction to it. With eyes clenched shut, I pressed my face to her neck and touched her naked hips, her stomach, the side of her breast.

Her hand smoothed my hair and stroked my neck encouragingly. It was the only part of her body that moved. She was letting my hands roam, discovering every part of her. There were places I didn't dare to go yet, and every time they got close, my fingers froze so I could gauge her reaction before they cowered and moved elsewhere.

I could feel her pulse racing under my cheek, and I turned my head and placed a soft kiss to her neck. This gentle touch was rewarded when she planted a kiss to my forehead and tangled her fingers in my hair.

My reaction was consuming, too powerful. A moan escaped my lips as my hands roamed more fervently; fingers digging into the skin of her hips and the small of her back. The feeling was almost maddening.

The fantasy of being with her that had been burned into every cell was now happening.

The thought jolted me, and I leaned up to kiss her. She returned the kiss with just as much passion. Her hands clutched my shoulders. I moved my mouth against hers with greedy force, parting my lips to taste her. My shaky hand finally found its way to her breast. I kneaded it forcefully, and she sighed into my mouth.

I propped myself up on an elbow and looked at her. She was staring back at me, her mouth slightly open and lips red from the fervent kiss. Her eyes seemed a shade deeper, almost black and alive with exhilaration.

I glanced down at her body beneath me, still unable to believe this was happening. My mind wouldn't eliminate the suspicion that this may be temporary, that at any point she'd come to her senses and leave me.

I didn't know what she'd let me do, how far she'd let me go. Even after everything that had happened between us, I still couldn't read her. Terrified of another rejection, I wanted to be sure. There was no hiding from her anymore; that I had already decided.

I looked back into her eyes, a sad and desperate expression on my face. "Can I have you, Bella? Right now. Just for now. Can I have you?"

She didn't answer right away, not out of hesitation but because she parted her legs further, allowing me to settle my hips between them.

I could feel her heat collide with my own. My entire body tingled in that instant, and my breath caught in my throat.

"Yes," she said in a tone that told me she wanted this too. She wasn't just doing me a favor or helping me lose my virginity as she had teased before.

Her eyes were hooded with lust as we gazed at each other.

I savored the way she felt and pressed myself against her, succumbing to the overwhelming sensation and wishing it would never end.

With our eyes fixated on each other's, we both stirred, and I pushed myself into her slowly. My lids fell closed as her softness and warmth enveloped me. Her arms crept around my neck, fingers finding their way into my hair, and she pulled me down.

I buried my face in her neck. Moaned against her skin as I began to raise my hips and let them drop again, thrusting myself into her deeper and deeper each time.

Her hot, moist breath hit my earlobe, and a shudder went through me.

"Fuck," I groaned, my mouth pressed to her collarbone.

She sighed heavily and fisted her hands in my hair, tugging almost painfully.

It spurred me on, and I moved quicker. My hand went to the small of her back as I clung to her desperately, never wanting to let her go again.

She brought her hips up to meet my thrusts, tiny moans escaping her lips as our bodies collided roughly.

I didn't want it to end yet, but I could feel it. I knew I was close. My heart thumped wildly, adrenaline pulsating through my veins.

My hips rolled frantically of their volition. I leaned back and looked at her, staring at her with equal amounts of passion and grief. Grief that this was about to be over.

She touched my cheek with one hand, and with the other she gripped my shoulder, encouraging me silently.

She moaned again, and that was my undoing. My fingers clawed at her skin, and my lips parted as intense waves of pleasure that were almost too much to bear surged through me. Every muscle tensed, and my body convulsed into hard and quick thrusts as her legs wrapped tightly around my hips, holding me to her like a vice.

My chest heaved as my body began to calm, the convulsions settling down to trembles. Soft groans passed through my dry throat, and I collapsed on her chest. Our arms encircled each other, limbs becoming tangled.

I don't know how long we lay there as I listened to her heartbeat under my ear; her hand stroking my back, tickling my skin with her fingertips.

I didn't care to measure the time. The world basically stopped as we held each other's bodies at the bottom of the pool.

The incessant buzz of the phone that was in her purse went unnoticed by both of us for the first few seconds. It was she who acknowledged it first. Gently, she pulled herself from underneath me, leaving me lying on my stomach. With a tender stroke to my back, she stood and dashed to pluck her phone from her bag.

"James?" I heard her say into the phone as she walked quickly to the opposite corner of the pool.

I couldn't hear any more for a while as she spoke in a hushed voice. However, after a few moments, her voice grew louder and tense. They were arguing, and although I still couldn't hear what was said, the fact alone brought me relief.

I let my body go limp, an exhausted heap on the make-shift bed of towels and sheets, and waited for her to return. Waited for her to come back to me so I could hold her again. So I could feel her body…

I closed my eyes.

She ended the call, and I could hear her coming closer. I smiled contently and looked at her.

My eyes narrowed. Now she was walking away from me.

I stood when she went to her clothes and began to gather them, swinging a towel around my waist. I made my way to her quickly.

"Please… please don't go, Bella," I told her as I tugged lightly on the towel wrapped around her.

She regarded me with gentle eyes. "Listen, it's alright. I'll see you later." She leaned down and picked up her dress.

I stepped closer, putting my hand on her hip. "But you can't be with me like that and then just go like that."

She stood upright after picking up her shoes; her eyes, while still gentle, held a hint of unease. "Take it easy, Edward. I said I'll see you later. I've just got to go for now. He's being a prick."

"Why? Why are you leaving me to go with him?" My tone was becoming more desperate. I couldn't fathom how she could share such an experience with me and then just leave minutes later.

I looked at her with penetrating eyes. Looked at her with a week's worth of yearning, with all the embarrassing longing for her in secret. And I finally couldn't hold back anymore. Everything was out in the open, and through all the confusion, there was one thing I knew for sure. One thing she needed to hear, even if she didn't want to. Dropping my hand, I swallowed forcibly and asked, "Can't you just end it with him? I know you want to."

"I want to? Why would I want to?" she demanded.

"Because you can't stand him! You don't even want him to touch you! I saw it at the theatre and in the way you always talk about him," I retorted without thinking. I took a step back and looked at her pleadingly. "You have fun with me. You enjoy me. When you kissed me, it wasn't just a joke; you wanted to. You wanted it just as much as I did! And this… this was real. You wanted to be with me too!" I shouted.

"And how do you know that?" she countered, closing the gap between us, her eyes blazing with determination. "You seem to know everything about me! Well, guess what, you've only known me a week. You know nothing!"

I glared down at her, matching the intensity in her expression, refusing to back down. "I know that I'm probably the only person you're yourself around. The way you laugh with me. The way you look at me. That's really you. This engagement bullshit, this domesticated bullshit… it's not you! You hate it!"

She looked like she'd been struck with an open hand, and I felt in that instant that I had won. She took a step back, her face drained of color, but her eyes still cold. "And what would you do, Edward? At sixteen, what would you do? Would you buy me a ring like this?" She held out her hand. "Look at it! Look! What would you do?"

"The ring means nothing," I told her. "You know what I'd do. I'd let you be yourself. To hell with what anyone thinks. I'd go anywhere; do anything to be with you."

"You can't be serious," she said with sadness and disbelief in her voice.

"I am," I responded, matter-of-factly.

She shook her head and tore her eyes away from my face. "No. I mean you _can't_ be serious. This wouldn't work! How would it possibly work? How could I admit to myself or to anyone else that I want to be with a sixteen year old?"

We both went stock-still, freezing for different reasons. We became somber at the very same moment.

She had finally admitted it, and it horrified her.

She had finally admitted it, and I knew it wouldn't make any difference.

I didn't answer. I don't think she expected me to. What answer could I give? She'd made up her mind.

We both waited for the other to say what neither of us could…

Please stay… I love you.

I'll stay.

I want you.

I want you too.

She turned; her sorrowful expression a mirror image of my own. With the towel still wrapped around her and clothes in her hands, she climbed out of the pool.

The perfect moment was lost forever.

As I listened to the rustling of her clothes as she got dressed above me, I lay back down on the sheets at the bottom of the pool, feeling numb, amazed that things had taken such a drastic turn. I lay there, gazing up at the ceiling until I heard the slam of the door when she left.

The finality in her eyes was vivid, and I knew she would give me no more of her. No matter how hard I fucking tried, I couldn't get that look in her eyes out of my head.

Finally, I had my answer; she did want to be with me… but it was not enough. That day had been both the start and the end of us.

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**I know some of you have mixed feelings about this pair and I don't blame you; it's kinda meant to be that way. hehe ;) So this chapter may confuse you even more. Let me know what you think! I'd love to hear from you! :) *hugs and love***

**- Andy**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Last chapter! :D I hope you all like it! There still might be some mixed feelings, but eh, that's how I like it! Mwahaha :P I just want to thank you all for being so supportive of this fic! Please say hello in a review! It's been so fun writing this and sharing it with you! Thank you again, loves! **

**Oh, and write in the Public Lovin' Contest if any of you writers feel like writing some public smut! :D Submissions are being taken until Nov. 25! Look at my Twitter for more info!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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If someone were to ask me about my first love, my mind would fail to find an immediate response. Warring thoughts and emotions would battle each other, leaving me speechless.

The answers would rush in like a flood later on, but only in snatches...

_She was beautiful._

_She was mysterious, ambivalent. _

_Funny._

_I slowly lost my mind more and more with each second I spent with her._

_Yet, I couldn't get enough of her._

_She trapped me. _

_Locked me in a cage of constant thoughts of her. The torment of the knowledge that every other girl I'd meet couldn't possibly measure up to her._

I'd been living in this cage for over a year, since the last time I'd been with her at the pool that night.

The night we'd made love.

It was also the last time I'd stepped foot in that building. The following Monday I didn't show up to work and never showed up again.

Facing her after that was something that seemed impossible.

I was days away from turning eighteen when I finally had the balls to come close to any of the locations where I had seen her during that week we worked together.

I decided to see a movie.

I don't know what drove me to go to _that_ theater, though. Just like the night I followed her there, I had no idea what movie was playing until I was buying the ticket.

This time it was a foreign film called _En Kärlekshistoria_. And just like the last time, I had no fucking clue what it was about, but I didn't care.

When I thought I'd moved on from her, nights like this night happened, and I missed her. Ached for her. And so much time had gone by that I thought it was safe to venture to a place she'd been without running the risk of seeing her there again. Maybe she was in another city by now. Maybe another state.

This was a chance to be close to her again in some sense. It was a place that held some of our time together. As the lights went down and I entered the auditorium, I spotted the seat she'd been sitting in, now empty.

I sat in the row behind it, just as I had that night. And as I leaned back in my seat, I imagined her in front of me again. Felt the tickle of her hair on my face again. Her lips pressed to mine as I remembered our first kiss.

There were only a few other people in the theater with me, and I strained my eyes to keep up with the English subtitles flashing on the screen.

Sudden movement out of the corner of my eye drew my attention from the movie, and I looked to my right, toward the far section of the auditorium.

And then the world stopped. No, the entire world tipped, throwing everything off-balance.

_She_ was sitting there. Alone.

My eyes took in the lines of her cheekbones, the full, pouty lips, and her brown hair as it fell over her shoulder. Even in the dim light, that bored expression on her face was easily recognizable.

I could only stare at first, dumbfounded by the improbability of it all.

My focus sharpened as I involuntarily straightened up in my seat. This caught her eye, and she glanced over at me. Her brown orbs went wide as they met mine, and just like I did, she straightened up in her seat.

The movie quieted to a hum. Everything seemed to fade out.

The unconcealed look of surprise on her face made me want to smile because I knew she had no control over this. The twisted bond was still there, pulsating between us as each of us waited for the other to make a move.

To my utter disbelief, it was she who got up first. I stood a moment later and waited for her with a smile as she walked toward me.

She smiled back, a completely timid, almost awkward smile that I was not used to seeing on her but loved in an instant.

She stopped in front of me and gestured to the seat next to mine. "This one taken?" she asked softly.

Immediately, I shook my head. "Not at all."

I motioned for her to sit as I settled back into my seat.

A sly grin crept to my lips as we sat down, amused at our twisted, unlikely situation; it was just the way we were, how things worked with us. Nothing had ever been ordinary.

She lifted her left hand to place it on the armrest between us, and I sneaked a glance at it. There was no shimmer, no gold band, nothing. Her ring finger was bare.

Something awakened within me, and I felt a flutter in my previously numb heart.

"Have you seen this movie before?" she suddenly asked.

Our eyes met, and I told her honestly, "I don't even know what it's about."

She smiled softly, her eyes staying on mine as I stared right back at her. "Me neither."

I saw a hint of something in her features that I had never seen before; they were as soft as I'd ever seen them as she regarded me so warmly. It was as if, for the first time, she saw us the way I always had. No teasing. No younger guy and older woman. No wall between us. It was mutual now.

I longed to hold her, to reach out and stroke her cheek and kiss her neck.

The movie no longer existed to either of us. We only saw each other. Her gaze became dreamy as she seemed to take in my features, her eyes going from my eyes to my nose to my lips then back up again.

"Isn't this… crazy?" she asked in wistful tone.

I sighed, and my grin widened. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

It was true. Had we met in any sort of orthodox way, it would not have been as appreciated.

She nodded in agreement, smiling back and glanced down shyly. "So where do we go from here?"

I couldn't find an answer that would sustain the carefree tone our conversation held thus far, so I just said, somewhat sadly, "I wish I knew."

Her eyes flitted back up to mine. We watched each other again, and I was finally aware of how much we'd leaned into each other. Her shoulder was resting against mine. Our hands were pressed together on the armrest.

She swallowed forcibly, as if in preparation for her next words. "You were right, Edward."

I regarded her quizzically. "About what?"

"I did want to end it with him. I had wanted to end it with him for two years. But I was… scared." She stopped as her eyes began to glisten with tears.

I placed my hand over hers and stroked her fingertips lightly. "Why were you scared?"

She blinked, and a single tear fell to her cheek before she wiped it away. "We had been together for almost four years. He was sort of… all I knew for a while. I didn't have a family, not a good one anyway. Everything with him was fine at first but…" She trailed off and intertwined our fingers.

She pulled me closer, and, with my other hand, I cupped her cheek. I willed her to continue, looking at her with a gentle gaze, relishing in the way she was letting me in; her guard completely down finally.

"He started making his money, and then I became property to him, not even a person anymore. But I didn't want to be alone. I didn't know how to be alone, really. And then you came along."

She pressed her forehead to mine and took in a deep breath. My hand went to the back of her head, and I stroked her hair.

"I liked who I was when I was with you. You told me what I already knew, but didn't want to face; that I didn't need him anymore. But… God, I know I was awful to you. I'm so sorry. I'm surprised you don't hate me, even now." She closed her eyes, and another tear fell. This time, I reached for it quickly and, with a gentle touch, wiped it away.

I placed my index finger under her chin and made her look at me.

"Bella, it doesn't matter what you do. Doesn't matter how cruel you could have been to me. I'd always love you. I _will_ always love you. I'll always adore you."

Her eyes closed again, and more tears slid down, but she pulled me to her crushingly, pressing her mouth to my neck. Her hand clung to my shoulder as I glided my lips along her earlobe then to her cheek. I touched her lips with my mouth, just barely, as if it was accidental.

The sensation was just as intense as the first time. I kissed her passionately, and she returned it with just as much force, now with more than a year's worth of yearning behind it rather than a week's. It was as though we couldn't get close enough, even though our bodies felt crushed together.

"Can we start over?" she mumbled against my lips between kisses. "That's all I ask." Her voice was soft, breathy, but I could hear the hidden plea behind it.

My heart started to pound.

I pulled back and looked at her pensively for a moment. I studied the expression on her face; the appearance of loss in her eyes as she waited for me to answer. She could have read my hesitation as indecisiveness. But I felt no such thing. Just as I had done when I was sixteen, I had to convince myself that this was really happening. I took in her familiar scent, her familiar touch, the deep brown color of her eyes…

It was real… and this time, _she_ was asking to have _me_.

My lips slowly turned up in a smile, and I pulled her into an embrace.

This was good enough for me. Good enough for now.

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**So I hope this little ending was satisfying, considering how flawed these characters were! :) Please let me know what you think in a review! And again, thanks so much for all the support you've given me through this short story! I'm glad so many have enjoyed it! Not sure when/if I'll write again, but it was fun! :D *love and hugs***

**-Andy**


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